There are two things in life that I absolutely love; werewolves and zombies. I grew up playing Resident Evil games, became a member of the undead at Halloween and have seen Underworld and An American Werewolf in London more times than I can count. With all the excitement of Fear the Walking Dead and the return of series 6 of The Walking Dead, I started to think; How would I cope with an oncoming wave of zombies? What or how would I react if the world suddenly plunged into a dark atmospheric zombie apocalypse?
So, welcome to my simple guide on how to survive a zombie apocalypse. Let’s face it, we’re now in the 21st century and with the advanced technology and medicine to offer; Resident Evil and The Terminator are sounding more realistic than you’d think. But let’s stick to zombies in this guide and touch upon robots at a later date.
Plan, plan, plan
No matter whether you’re a creature of habit or like to play each day by ear, you need to plan. A prepacked holdall comes first to mind. I’m talking about a back pack of carefully chosen items that should see you through, without taking that risk of being bitten on those first few days of an outbreak. Food and drink are the most important. Bottles of water (they must be bottles as they can be refilled and running from a zombie will become increasingly difficult if bloated from a can of Pepsi). I’d suggest carrying snacks in your rucksack like flapjacks for the sugar and energy. For any of you diabetics, sorry but you’ll have to carry carrot sticks. Sounds boring but at least you will have a healthy diet. Avoid any meat. The “Walkers” will be able to smell you from a mile off.
Now, clothes; pack a spare pair of trainers. People go through shoes very quickly, especially when on the move. And, take it from a person with experience; high heels are murder to run in. Trust me when I say pack a couple of extra pairs of pants. With all the zombies sprinting around, there’ll be no time to do any laundry washing and once a couple of deformed monsters run at you, there will be in the politest way possible, a couple of dirty pairs of underwear. I would also suggest taking a pocket sized joke book to read by the camp fire. Everyone loves a laugh and it will brighten the mood as well.
Last but not least, a weapon. No guns though. I am against guns in every way; they’re loud and will attract unwanted attention. Maybe something small and light that will fit in your bag or even hang from your belt (a utility belt comes to mind).
Know your Enemy
There are two types of zombies you may be up against. The 28 Days Later breed where they are able to run; and there’s The Walking Dead slow moving that could easily be out walked. With the 28 Days Later zombie, your new pair of trainers will come in handy. You’re welcome. Stamina and a carefully planned route come in handy. Well, that is included for the slow moving zombies too.
For both types of the undead, you must make sure you have plenty of stamina. Avoid driving a car at all costs as there will be numerous abandoned vehicles and other drivers who will prevent you from having a smooth drive (and probably get you trapped in the car- not good if you’re claustrophobic).
Make sure you have a route carefully planned. I want you to know where all the exits are at all times because no matter how quiet your surroundings are; there’ll always be a monster lurking close by. Speed isn’t the only difference between the two breeds of zombies. Slow zombies may be easy to outrun but be warned, they move in packs that make it easier to be cornered. Although the ‘sprinters’ are harder to escape from, they are loners. There are generally never more than two at a time.
You have a choice within the apocalypse. You may keep moving from town to town. Or you may stick in one place. Either way, you will need to find somewhere safe to camp. I advise to hide, if possible, in a small flat. The smaller the space the better; All entrances are guarded easily then with no one creeping up on you. And remember; always make sure you know where the exits are. I would also suggest finding a place to hide near a supermarket. If you are in short supply of something (perhaps underwear) then the run to gain those supplies is quick and easy.
Finally, my last piece of advice comes in the form of family. Humans in general are like wolves. We love being in packs and regardless of being an extrovert or introvert, there will always be a group of people we can call family. Stick with them. Being in a group does slow you down but as they say, strength in numbers. It’s also nice having someone who you can trust to have your back. Make sure each and every one of you has a backpack full of handy items and always have a trusted weapon you can use in self-defence.
There you have it. A simple pocket guide to surviving the zombie apocalypse; I hope it comes in handy one day. By the way, how do you kill a vegetarian vampire? A steak to the heart (the pocket book of jokes).
Written by Tom Wood
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